nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
