it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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