I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude. I can hear the air.
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