Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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