I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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