Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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