If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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