did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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