Need sex. Gaining weight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
