so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
