I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
