worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
