youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
