so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
