I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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