haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
