Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am midnight drunk by noon
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
