Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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