If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
