I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
