Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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