I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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