I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
