This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
