he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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