I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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