Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
