haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
