we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You're like the curious george of whores
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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