2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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