How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
