You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
