im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
