Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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