Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
