So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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