Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
