And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
