She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
