If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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