But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
