I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
