you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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