shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
