I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
