I CAN MOONWALK!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
