His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
