it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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