My room smells like vodka and shame
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.