I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight