Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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