My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking