Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.