Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
