I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
last night I used snow as a chaser
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