I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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