C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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