He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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