somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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