I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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