do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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