it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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