Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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