thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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