Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
