Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
