my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
