In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
