can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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