Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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