I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
