They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
