I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
