I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
