My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
