The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
