I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
