you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
