My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
